An Unknown Addition to the Coaching Carousel

By: Matt | June 3rd, 2009

While most were scoffing at Tony Adams’ claim that he was being considered for the Celtic coaching position, an unlikely candidate was submitting his interest for the open position. Roy Keane? Oh no, not these rumors again. No, Keane has signed with Ipswich and is unlikely to leave a job he just started, no matter how “Celtic Minded” he is. Jose Mourinho? Now you’re just being ridiculous, though I suppose dreaming is free. No, this candidate is not quite as well known, though if you inhabit two well known Celtic messageboards, you might have heard of him. During the Gordon Strachan reign, the Tim-ernet seemed divided into pro-Strachan or anti-Strachan camps. Often times, the pro-Strachan camp would say something like “Well, you think you can do better?!” One Celtic messageboard user is trying to put his money where his mouth is…or, well, try and earn money while proving this. The Huddleboard and Celtic Minded user Gil Scott Heron decided to put his name in the ring for the Celtic coaching gig. He officially sent this letter to the Celtic brass:

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26/05/09
HR Department
Celtic Football Club
95 Kerrydale St
Glasgow
G40 3RE

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to you today in response to the recent resignation of Gordon Strachan to not only inform you of my intention to apply for the role as First Team Manager, but also to request that I am shortlisted for the position.

Although my name is not widely known in football circles I am sure I have the relevant experience, enthusiasm and drive to take Celtic Football Club to new heights.

My love of the beautiful game started around 7 years old when I was selected to be striker for St Fillians primary school “B” team, a position I held until leaving said school 4 years later. I never went for trials in Secondary School. I have maintained my low level of fitness with the odd game of ‘fives’ since then.

More important of course than my footballing ability is, of course, my tactical knowledge. I have been playing various football manager games for many years now, starting with Football Masters on the ZX Sectrum right up to more recent incarnations like Football Manager 2009 on the PC. In fact in the most recent version Football Manager 2009 I have not only recently completed a treble winning season 08-09, but reached the quarter final of the European Cup. Only last week as I was in my bedroom donning my suit to play the Scottish Cup Final I was dreaming of how it would be to lead the real team out on the Hampden surface. I can assure you when this is the case I will not only be wearing my suit but I will probably put a flower in the button hole.

I am aware that zonal marking has been an issue in recent years and can assure you that I have a full knowledge of this particular tactic mainly due to being forced to play it in my many games of Subbuteo as a child. It is unlikey this will be a tactic I will employ but if I do I will ensure I have explained it fully to the team to ensure they are not running around like headless chickens at set pieces.

I am also fully aware of the financial constraints clubs are under these days and Celtic in particulars insistence on balancing the books. I have therefore included a first class stamp with this letter so that you can forward my interview date at no cost to yourselves.

In the unlikey event that am I not placed on the shortlist for First Team Manager, I would also like to point out that I have bar experience and would be available for functions.

I look forward to your reply.

Yours Faithfully

On the 1st of June, Gil received a letter from Celtic! Could his dream come true, could Celtic call his bluff and say “Alright smart guy, you take the reigns, experience the constant criticism and second guessing! Go for it!” Er, not quite. Celtic sent this response:

Rats. I would have thought the bar experience to save Broony, McGeady, O’Dea, and other noted booze enthusiasts would have put him over the hump. Too bad Gil, but good effort for trying to take the club you love into your own hands! Fair play……hahahaha!