Hear Ye, Hear Ye…The Court of My Public Opinion is in Session!

By: Matt | April 29th, 2008

Here comes the judge, HEERE COMEES THE JUUUDGE! All rise for the Honorable Judge Matt. The first case is the state vs. the Scottish Football Association. Another charge of bias against the Celtic Football Club. Reports surfaced that the SFA were looking into possible punishments for Artur Boruc for wearing this shirt: Boruc
The state is alleging that the SFA, worried that Sellik is going to catch “Der Peeple” in the title are looking for any reason to handicap Sellik in the process. The state presents these images of Rangers players with similar shirts who received no punishment Hun (more after the jump)

Hun 2

The defense argues that FIFA bans showing undershirts with religious messages and proclaims their innocence. The prosecution counters with this piece of evidence: Kaka
The defense counters that he is a protestant “and proud” and thus not guilty. The prosecution objects and his honorable judge Matt sustains the objection. The defense asks for a recess due to match congestion. The prosecution argues that they needed a recess a few years ago but were ignored and told that they are lucky. The defense decides to plea to a lesser charge of being fuds and agree to let Boruc off without a punishment. No wise decision is needed from the Honorable Judge Matt

The next case will be the state vs. Massimo Donati and Scott Brown. Both men are charged with raising Celtic supporters expectations about them and not meeting those expectations. Donati is also charged with knowingly exposing the public to his dodgy haircuts. Both members of the defense plead innocent. The prosecution argues that both Mr. Donati and Mr. Brown came in with lofty expectations. Hell, Celtic fans even cheered a Hibernian goal scored by Mr. Brown at the end of last season when it had been announced he would be playing for Celtic the following season. Mr. Donati also came from the Italian powerhouse of AC Milan and was expected to replace Celtic legend Neil Lennon.

Mr Donati first pleads guilty to the charge of dodgy haircuts. No one can argue with that. However, his defense argues that Mr. Donati was not a goal scorer ever in his career and is a holding midfielder that Mr. Lennon was in the past. They accept that his passing, at points this year, was atrocious, but argue that he is young and will have time to learn. The defense also concludes that Celtic’s Champions League success would be for not without Mr. Donati’s dramatic goal against Shaktar.

Mr. Brown’s defense team wish to plea poor performance due to family illness. It has been reported that Mr. Brown’s sister has fallen ill and the court agrees that even a man with steel balls would be affected by such an event. The defense also wishes to argue that Mr. Brown is a winger by trade and playing him in the middle is a waste of his talents. The prosecution counters that Mr. Brown is payed a fuck load of money to be a professional footballer and at this point is his career should be able to make a moderate to long pass and tackle without getting a yellow card every time.

After careful deliberation, the Honorable and wise Judge Matt has found both defendants guilty, though to a lesser charge. Mr. Donati will first be given a restraining order from Glasgow area salons, barber shops, hair dye, and clippers. Both Mr. Donati and Mr. Brown are found guilty of failing to meet high expectations. The Honorable Judge Matt is a kind and merciful man and will only give a sentence of on the bench for the final 3 games for both men, instead “getting them to fuck” as the prosecution suggested. He feels that both men can reform and be an asset to society and help the Celtic Football Club. THE GAVEL HAS SPOKEN!